Inquisitive Hobbits
by Ellana
Summary: This is a short fic about questions that I think should have been asked at the Council of Elrond. Its my first attempt at both a fanfiction and humour, so I don't know if its very good. This is v1.1, hopefully its a bit better. Please R&R! Thanks!


Disclaimer:  I do not own LOTR or any characters therein.  They are property of J.R.R. Tolkien.  I'm just borrowing them for a bit.  

Author's notes:  This is what should have happened at the Council of Elrond.  The answers are all made up, and if they have been answered in the books, though I didn't see so in the four of the LOTR, please, I haven't read the full Simarillian or the History of ME, so I am ignorant to said facts, and thus retain the full right to make up my own fitting explanations.  Please don't kill me.  BTW, Elrond's speech in the beginning is a direct quote, if you didn't know.  I'm not that good of a writer.  This is supposed to be funny, but it might not come off that way; it sounds so much better when I speak it, then down on paper.

This is version 1.1, thanks for everyone (Cyrmsyn and Redcinders) who reviewed.  Hopefully it's a bit better.  
And on a final note, please read, review, and enjoy!

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Inquisitive Hobbits

By Ellana

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"Alas, no," said Elrond. "We cannot use the Ruling Ring.  That we now know all too well.  It belongs to Sauron and was made by him alone, and is all together evil.  Its strength, Boromir, is too great for anyone to wield at will, save only those who already have a great power of their own.  But for them it holds an even deadlier peril.  The very desire of it corrupts the heart.  Consider Saruman.  If any of the Wise should with this Ring overthrow the Lord of Mordor, using his own arts, he would then set himself on Sauron's throne, and yet another Dark Lord would appear.  And that is another reason why the Ring should be destroyed:  as it is in the world it will be a danger even to the Wise.  For nothing is evil in the beginning.  Even Sauron was not so.  I fear to take the Ring to hide it.  I will not take the Ring to wield it."

"How come I can use it though?  Is wearing it isn't the same as wielding it?" Frodo had sat in silence throughout the Council, absorbing all the information presented.  But he was still confused and thought it time to ask a few questions himself.

"No," said Gandalf.  "You are using it passively, not actively.  It can still corrupt, but not at the rate of which it does when its powers of destruction are used"

"Okay, but do you have to be in direct contact with the Ring for it to corrupt you, or do you just have to be near it?"

"Neither.  The Ring's power extends for all the earth.  It can corrupt anyone it so chooses, though those who already have power or a thirst for power are more easily corrupted."

"I see.  Does that mean it could corrupt people in the Gray Havens?"

"That is a possibility, but I doubt the Ring would find it practical.  Its also possible that the Gray Havens are just too far away."

"That wouldn't be a bad scheme, actually," mused Gimli.  "It would prevent the elves from fleeing to their refuge across the sea.  It's almost delightfully sadistic.  At this the Ring glinted mischievously.

"Don't give it ideas!" chided Aragon. "We have enough trouble on our hands already

"If the Ring is so powerful and wants to return to its master so badly, how come it didn't corrupt Gollum in a way to make him want to go to Mordor and overthrow Sauron and then backfire on him?"

"Umm…"

"Because Sauron wasn't powerful enough yet.  The Ring had to wait until it was sure that its time had come" Elrond said, jumping to Gandalf's rescue.

"Oh.  So it had to wait three thousand years?  What exactly did Isildur do to cause that?  I though he just chopped off his hand.  That doesn't necessarily kill a guy.  And why didn't he send the Nazgul after Gollum while he was sedentary in the cave, instead of waiting for Bilbo to pick it up?  I mean he used it enough to gain notice from them, didn't he?"  
     "Like Lord Elrond said, its time had not yet come, so Ring did not see fit to return to its master," Said Aragon.  "When Isildur cut the Ring from the Dark Lord, since the Ring was bound to the Dark Lord, the loss of it negated much of his power."

"Doesn't that make Sauron kind of stupid?  I mean, he put all of his power into this Ring, yet he didn't realize that someone could cut his arm off in one stroke?"

     "It's a common case of an enlarged ego," Galdor of the Havens began.  His side hobby was psychology.  "This Sauron character is obviously extremely insecure and thus attempts to pad his ego by means of world domination.  Unfortunately, for him anyway, as his ego grew, as did his arrogance.  This caused him to believe he was invincible, a relatively common trait associated with male egostocity.  This proved his undoing, by believing he was powerful enough to go into battle without proper armoring."

     _Ooh,_ _I wish I had a notepad to write all this down_, thought the One Ring, _It's quite enlightening.  I spent a millennia with Ol' Saur, but it seems I learn something new about him every day._

     "Right.  Anyway, what in the world is Sauron anyway?" Questions bubbled out of Frodo, his unnatural curiosity taking the better of him.  "I mean, in all the paintings he's wearing that huge helmet and stands about three times taller than any man.  Where did he come from?  Did he just pop out of the sky one day?" 

"No one knows for certain.  Many say he is a godchild."  This time Legolas took up the question.  "There are few people who knew what was happening in the lands of Mordor.  No patrols were brave enough to venture far from the mountains.  It only was when the sky turned red and the Black Gate was erected that we really had an idea of what was going on."

"Why wouldn't anyone go into Mordor?"

"Because it is full of evil!"

"But how did you know that if no one ever went in it?"

"Does the name 'Sauron' mean anything to you?"

"Yes, but I'm talking about before Sauron!"

"...."

"You were just to lazy to go see for yourselves, weren't you?"

"Quiet!  I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation.  I just can't think of it right now...Lets change the subject."

"Okay, then why doesn't the Ring turn Sauron invisible?"

This question went back to Gandalf.  "Because only when used passively does the Ring turn you invisible.  It is a side effect, so to speak.  When someone uses the Ring actively, then it is using a different magic.  One of evil."

     "So the invisibility power is not evil?"

     "Well it is, but in a difference sense." Replied Elrond, massaging his temples, "It causes the Eye and the Nazgul to become aware of its presence and they are drawn to it.  This helps Sauron recover the Ring faster.  That's why the Ring, especially in times of stress, tries to get you to put it on."

     "Invisibility seems an odd power for the Ring to have.  I mean, I thought it was made to destroy stuff and other evil things.  Why would it have invisibility thrown in?"

     "It's a sales gimmick!  I don't know!" cried out Bilbo impatiently. 

"And if it's so powerful why does Sauron need such a huge army?"

"It never hurts to have brute strength on your side.  Also, Orcs aren't that smart, you need a lot of them because they die like lemmings." commented Gloin.  "Now, haven't you asked enough questions?"

"Just one more thing, you know the inscription on the Ring; 'One Ring to rule them all, one Ring to find them, one Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them'?"  

     "Yes," sighed Gandalf exasperated, wondering where the young hobbit was going now.

     "What happens after the Rings are bound?  I mean, what does the one Ring actually do?  Boromir thinks it's a brilliant idea to use it against Sauron but does anyone actually know how does it work?  I mean, we know it can destroy stuff, and we know its evil.  But that's about it.  Does it just make you really strong?  Or does it have another usage?"

     "...." was the general response of the Council.

     "I never thought of that...." muttered Gimli.  

     "Well, um, it, um," stammered Gandalf, who, for the first time in his life, was at a loss for words.

     Thankfully, the noon bell chose that moment to chime out its call to luncheon.  Merry and Pippin bounded into the Council shouting "Come on Frodo!  Lets get something to eat, we're famished!"

     "You're always famished," laughed Frodo, sprinting to join them, all thoughts of the Ring pushed from his mind.

     The rest of the Council watched the pair run with grave expressions.  After they left, Gandalf calmly took out his pipe from his robes, filled it with pipeweed, and lit it.

     "Damned inquisitive hobbits," he muttered blowing a Ring of smoke into the air.  Everyone, even Bilbo, uttered their agreement.

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End file.
